When someone has experienced hardships early in life, their perception of the future may be unclear. Their understanding is based around the significant hardships they've experienced and may be less optimistic when looking forward. Up to that point, they've been focused on getting through the present and likely assume more of the same to come, but that doesn't have to be the case.
What we want to instill is a sense of excitement when thinking ahead since they've already traversed through rough terrain. And with guidance, those mountains will start to look a lot like hills when they're able to set the right goals for themselves.
This is part of gaining their trust, guiding them towards setting goals for themselves directed by their unique interests and strengths. There may not be a single right way to lead their lives but there are plenty of consequential ones. And they've likely witnessed the consequences of poor decision making already which should be used as a motivator for distancing themselves from those of problematic tendencies. But that decision will fall on their shoulders, with the weight being mitigated by caring about them and encouraging them toward working for something more.
Celebrate the victories with them and help them learn from their mistakes.
By setting goals, it breaks their challenges into smaller pieces while allowing them to keep an eye on a greater prize. Deciding what they want is the first step toward obtaining it and acknowledging that those things worth having are worth working for over time.
This process starts small with setting short term, realistic goals for themselves; reading more, swearing less, more physical activity, or going to sleep earlier. It shows a trackable goal that can be reviewed and checked on to see how accountable they're willing to be to accomplish something that they want. This shows commitment to their growth and dedication toward reaching a objective. No one else can make the progress for them, but it should be recognized it when they do. This provides them with opportunities to have pride in their accomplishments and build their self confidence because they have made those strides.
Nobody can tell them what they should look forward to, or how to feel about it either. They may work to achieve something and realize that it wasn't what they actually wanted, but that can be motivating too.
Remind them by saying things like:
'You've already come this far, why give up now?'
'You've done it once already, you can do it again.'
People often go through a number or career changes before they discover one that is better
for them. More experience and more information leads to a more informed decisions, which is something to be valued. The goal is to help them be autonomous and successful, but success is ultimately subjective. Challenge them to set goals outside of their comfort zones to help with exposure into new areas they may have not otherwise explored.
Goals track progress. They orient the person on what needs to be done to get to where they want to be and to implement consistency in doing those things. If they want to graduate from college, but don't know what they want to study, break it down.
What interests them?
Where would they want to go?
What career do they want?
Maybe they don't actually want to attend college and a trade would interest them more because they really love working on cars, whatever it is, break it into steps.
Where and how do they apply?
What will the cost be?
Are there choices between programs that can be compared?
What do they like about a certain program?
Then,
What is the application process?; and
How do they want to be supported through this whole process?
If their end goal is to finish their program successfully, they have to start by applying and getting accepted, then they have to show up and be consistent. It can seem overwhelming, but each success is a victory and every failure is a lesson with something to be learned from either instance to continue on. Celebrate the victories with them and help them learn from their mistakes.
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